Chapter 117 - I'm Holding On To What I Need

Beth lays in bed and tries to figure out where he's going.  She has no idea who the letter came from and because of that, she didn't care. 

She considered the anonymous source and tries like hell to not think of it again.  She's mortified that Jon found the letter and pissed that he left her in the middle of the night to take care of something that they should have left alone.

In the dark silence, she reaches for her phone and calls Jon's cell phone.

Ring, Ring, Ring

"Hi honey, what are you doing up?" she hears Jon ask as he answers the phone.

"I just woke up and noticed you were gone.  Where are you going?"  Beth questions, with a hint of hurt and anger in her voice.  "How could you leave me in the middle of the night?"

Jon takes a deep breath, "I had to take care of this before I left.  Did you get my note?"

"I did.  Who are you going to see?" in her tone, he can hear that she's demanding an answer.  "Who is so important that you jet off with very little explanation?"

A silence comes over the line.  Jon wants to tell her everything, but something is holding him back.  "Can I tell you all about it after I get back?  I don't want you to worry, babe.  I just want to take care of it and be done with it."

"Tell me now."  she blurts, not trying to be loud.  "I want to know who sent me something so hateful."

"Later babe, okay?'  he pleads with her, knowing that it's going to break her heart and it might even set them back a little bit.  "I promise I'll tell you everything when I get home."

"Do I know this person?"

"Yeah, unfortunately you do.  Used to be close even."

"Damn it, tell me who it is!" she's getting angrier by the second and knows that if she keeps pestering - he might just crack and tell her about it.

Honestly, Jon tells her, "When I get back, babe.

Beth falls quiet for a second and concedes defeat.  She doesn't want to know now.  "After you confront this person, will we have to worry?"

"No!"

"You promise?" she pleads, "You have to promise that this will be the end."  

"I promise, it will end when."

"How can you say that?" she snaps.  "We can't control the assholes and what they do."

"No we can't, but we can control what gets to us and who gets to us." he tries to remind her, tries to assure her that they will be okay.  

Beth goes quite again.  Her thoughts go to the letter.  "When did you find the letter, Jon?" she asks, 

"A couple of weeks ago, why?" he questions.

Beth sits up in bed, pulling her legs under her.  "Why didn't you say something before tonight?"

Jon kicks back in the plane seat, resting his feet o the seat across from him.  He takes a sip of his whiskey and admits, "I didn't want it to ruin Tony's night."

"Telling me or talking about it two weeks ago wouldn't have done that."

"I wasn't risking it, plus I needed to find out who sent it."  he takes another sip.  He can hear that she's taping her fingernail on her phone, a nervous habit of hers.  "I wasn't being sneaky about it, babe."

Beth lightly chuckles, "I wasn't thinking that, but flying off to wherever in the middle of the night is a little shady, don't you think?"

"You know that if there was another way, I would have done it." he tells her.

"Do I?" she replies, taping her nail a little faster on the phone. 

Jon takes a deep breath and tries to defuse a situation that could go either way.  He knows that Beth can blow up and blow things out of proportion or she can under react.  Neither are good and he wants to avoid any scenario that involves a fight.  "I'm doing what I need to do.  You don't need to be here to do this, you need to be with our kids taking care of our life.  I'm the one that handles these situations that involve assholes, I'm the one that can handle flying across the country for a 10 minute meeting and fly back."

"Don't be that way." she mumbles to him, "Don't be the hero for something that you created."

"What does that mean?" he snaps.

"The letter came weeks ago, why do you have to even talk with whoever wrote it?  They haven't contacted me since then.  I think they just wanted to get a rise out of me and look what it's done to you."  Beth can't help the fact that she's being a little sarcastic, a little flippant.  "Why do you need to keep it all going?"

"Beth..." he tries to interrupt her, but she keeps going.

"Why are you going to the other side of the country to have a 10 minute meeting that will change nothing?  You leave us in the middle of the night, to parts unknown and act like that's okay.  Well, it's NOT okay Jon."  she takes a cleansing breath, waiting for his response.  She's getting angry and it feels good to her.

"I'm not doing this for me.  I'm doing this for us."  Jon responds, a little shocked.

"Bullshit.  For US, you would have let it lay.  But oh no, you have to pull off the scab and keep it all going.  You're not going to help anything Jon, you're going to make it worse."

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Beth sees the airport van pull into the driveway.  With her coffee in hand she makes her way to the front door.  As she opens it, she sees Jon standing next to the van, waiting for the driver to grab his bag.  Casually she walks over to him, feeling silly for the way that she acted in the middle of the night.

"Hi."  she walks into him and kisses his lips.  "I'm glad you're home."  she can feel that he's tense and that her behavior is not cute.  

"Hi." he mutters back at her, as he reaches for his bag from the driver.  

The van leaves and they make their way into the house, "Do you want some coffee?"  she asks him over her shoulder.

"Are the kids up?" he asks, setting his bag on the kitchen table.  Beth pours him a cup of coffee.  

"No, not yet." she hands him his cup of coffee and takes a seat at the island.

"What are you doing up?" he looks around for some indication at how long she might have been up.

Beth reaches over a rests her hand on his, feeling like an ass for making him feel bad for what he was trying to do for her, for them.  "I haven't been back to sleep since we talked."

"So, go lay down.  Get some sleep before the kids get up."

"I'm good, why don't you go lay down?"

"Not tired."

"Are you hungry?" she asks.

He shakes his head no and just lets it flow.  "No, I'm not hungry.  And I'm not going to sit here and act like everything is okay, because it's not."

Beth sits up straight in her chair and waits for the rest of it.

"I'm not impressed with the way you acted last night on the phone and I'm even less than impressed with the way you tried to make me feel about what I was doing."  he stands up and starts to pace the kitchen.  Beth watches every step that he takes, "I'm not impressed with the fact that you got that letter and said nothing to me about it.  I can't believe you kept that from me."  he pivots on his heel, making sure that he's facing her, "It was your secret, the fact that you kept that letter from me that made me do what I did, Beth."

She quietly replies, "Okay?" waiting for more. 

"The fact that you hid it and said nothing - well, that drove me, that made me crazy."  He takes a drink of his coffee, keeping his eyes on her the whole time.  "You should have told me about it and we could have dealt with it together, but instead you hid it."

"I'm sorry.  I was just wanting it to go away."

"Well, it didn't." he admits.  "I never should have found that, you should have shared it."

"I KNOW!" she loudly admits, "Is that what today is going to be like."

"You have no right to get made here, Beth.  I've done nothing wrong."

"Leaving your family in the middle of the night, leaving a note - that's not wrong?" she questions, feeling herself get angry.

Jon walks up to her, leaning in, face to face he says to her between his teeth, "I never would have done that if you would have told me about the letter."

She rolls her eyes and that infuriates him.  

Dropping her head and smacking the counter with her hand, Beth asks him with attitude, "Who sent the damn letter? Let's deal with that instead of who's wrong here."

"You wanna know who it is?" he questions, with his own type of sarcasm.  "Do you really want to know?"

She raises her head and looks him in the eye, "I want to know who made you leave your family in the middle of the night.  I want to know who is so fucking important that you planned this trip and said nothing to me about it at all.  Tell me, Jon.  What's HER name?"  Beth places a lot of emphasis on the word her.