Chapter 33 - On A Steel Horse I Will Ride

When they arrived back at the vineyard, Beth ordered them something to eat and then she tended to the babies, getting a full report from Gloria that they had done nothing except sleep. 

 First she fed Brianna, sitting on the couch in the living room.  As she fed her, she watched Jon putter around as he was getting ready to leave.  He has a show in Seattle tomorrow and needs to be there early for all the press related things that he does before a show.  "Are you going to stay mad at me?"
 

"I'm not mad Beth, I'm hurt." he barks at her, with his day planner in his hand.  "Do you want a copy of my schedule?"

"Yes, please.  And don't tell me that you're not mad, Jon.  No one knows you better than me." she snaps back at him.  She hates that he down plays certain things and then over reacts for other things.  "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I had to be honest with you."

"Why did you let me get two weeks into this before you said anything?"

"Two weeks into what, being a dad?" she snaps again, knowing what's happening.  She sees it and she's not going to let it happen.  "Would you not have been here if I said something earlier?"

He shakes his head, "No, I would have been here regardless - but you have to know how frustrated and confused I am right now."

"I do know how confused and frustrated you are right now, because I am too.  We hadn't seen each other in months, and just because I got pregnant and had babies - that makes us a couple?  Explain that one to me, Jon."

"Does it really need to be spelled out for you?" he blurts at her, thinking that what she said is exactly the way that it went, and that it was right.  

"We made love months ago in New Jersey and that was it.  Our communication was minimal, at best.  When you learned that I was pregnant, what went off in your head making us a couple?"

"I'm not going to argue this with you Beth.  We made love, made babies and we should be together.  YOU KNOW THAT!" he slams his day planner on the coffee table, startling everyone.  Beth jumped, Brianna jumped and Spencer started to fuss.  Jon stormed out of he living room. Beth watches him walk away, and she can see by the way that he is walking that he is pissed.

 

"Hey, come back here, please." she says as he walks away, "Please don't make me yell."

He stops at the entrance of the hallway, "What?"

"Please come back here." she politely asks, "I wasn't done talking."  He turns around and walks toward her, she can see that he's done with the conversation.  

Like a gentleman, he sits on the couch and looks at the time, "My helicopter will be here in an hour.  I need to get packed."

"Stop being an ass and listen to me for a minute, please?" she pleads, quietly.

"I'm here, what?" he looks at her and she can see the hurt.   "I love, I mean absolutely LOVE you and the way things have been for the last two weeks.  You have been amazing, it has been amazing - but I have to be honest with you, I had to keep my guard up and my dreams on hold.  I knew that today was coming and there is no way that I could have prepared myself for today."

 

"What do you mean?"

"I have never hated your job than I do right now."

"Because I have to leave?" he sounds a little disgusted.

"And stay gone."

He puts his head in his hands and lets out a long sigh, "It's what I do, it's nothing new."  He can hardly contain the sarcasm that he feels.  "It's my job."

Brianna is finished eating, Beth unlatches her and puts her bra back in place.  When she's tucked away, she hands Brianna to Jon and turns her attention to Spencer.  As she leans over him, she says to Jon, "I know that's your job, I know it's what you do.  You were doing it when we met and yes you were doing it when I fell in love with you - but I have fallen out of love with that lifestyle.  I don't want any part of it, anymore."

"Any part of it?  You either love me for me, or you don't.  My job has nothing to do with that."

"You aren't listening to me."  Spencer is still sound asleep.  Jon sat back on the couch and laid Brianna on his chest.  He's patting her little butt listening to Beth.  "I love you and would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you and the kids, but I don't want it if it involves the road.  I'm sorry."

"Are you making me choose?"

Beth sits on the couch next to him, putting her hand on his leg she tries to clarify her last statement.  "No, I'm not making you choose.  That would be silly, I know I would lose."  She leans back, resting her head on his chest.  She can't help but rub Brianna's back, she's laying there on her daddy like a little angel.  "I'm just telling you that I don't want to travel with you and I don't want a half time relationship."

"Half time relationship?" 

"I would rather be without you, than with you part of the time."

"Babe, that doesn't make any sense." he takes his free hand and reaches up and caresses her face, "You would rather be without me than with me part time, seriously?"

She nods her head, "I hate the way that I feel right now, and I'd rather not feel it all of the time."

"How do you feel?" he asks her, having a slight idea, feeling like crap himself.

Beth sits up and looks back at him, "My stomach is in knots, when I think about going to bed tonight without you - it feels like my hearts going to jump out of my chest.  I don't want to wake up the rest of my life with you gone half of the time."

"So you'd rather not wake up to me for the rest of your life?"

"NO!  I don't want to wake up with you gone, ever again."

He laughs at her, even though he doesn't mean too.  He can't help it.  She looks so cute when she's mad, she looks even cuter when she pouts and her lower lips is out, "You know it's my job.  You know it's what I do."  he continues to laugh.  "But I know how you feel."  He leans forward, holding Bri close to him.  He kisses the side of her head and says, "I feel the same way, but just so you know, we agreed to a long break when this tour is over."

Beth realizes how silly she sounds and she smiles at him when she says, "I've shared you long enough and been without you long enough - we want you to ourselves."

"I wish I could tell you how bad I want off the road.  I have pushed myself and the band way too hard, we all are tired."

"How much longer is the tour?  I don't even know."  She can hear Spencer start to stir.  He makes a chirping sound when he stretches, just before he's about to cry. 

"I'll get him."  Jon says as he stands up.  He lays Brianna next to her brother for a second and then he scoops Spencer up. Kissing his son, he smiles.  "We broke the mold when we made these two." 

"They are pretty gorgeous." Beth smiles, knowing that her children were beautiful.  Knowing that they have some of the best DNA.  "Are you going to feed him?' she laughs.

"He went back to sleep, he must have missed his daddy."  Jon kisses his face again, stirring the baby.

"Give him here, you have to finish getting ready."  Beth walks up to them, puts her arms around them and just holds on.  "I love you and I want nothing more than to raise these two with their sister and brothers."

Jon kisses her head and admits, "We would love nothing more than that.  You know how Stephanie feels about you, and she will love these two like nothing else."

Beth looks up at him,  "Do you really think you need to convince me?"

He leans over and kisses her lips softly, tenderly and most importantly - with love.  "It's only for 8 more months."

He might as well told her to go fuck herself, she never expected that he had that much more time on tour, but she should have known - it was Bon Jovi.  He never did anything half assed.  And if this was the tour before the big break - it was go big or go home and Jon never chose to go home.