Chapter 36 - Make Me Come Alive

 

At lunch, they sat outside in a local café and tried very hard to fit in and be normal.  The babies are in their double stroller, out of the sun and wind and hidden away from any paparazzi eye.  Both are sporting sunglasses and trying to blend in as best as they could.. 

 

"We can't live like this babe." he leans over a takes her hand.  "You need to be closer to Jersey, you know that."

 

She leans back in her chair, dragging her hand from his and gives him a look, "I need to move closer or you want me to move closer?"

 

"Both.  This is tough for me, jumping from coast to coast and then touring.  I need to see you and the twins and then the kids back east....."

 

She cuts him off, "I know this has been hard for you and I know that it's not going to be easy for the next few months, but I'm not ready - hell, I don't even want to go back east."

 

"You don't?" he snaps.

 

She shakes her head no and tells him, "I've made a life for myself out here, I'm happy out here, Jon."

 

"You could be happy back east."

 

"Do we have to do this now?  Come on, you leave in a few hours." she pleads, knowing how this conversation could go and she doesn't want it to got there. 

 

"We need to figure this out, Beth.  I can't keep living like this.  If we're going to be together, than we need to get together.  I can't spend the rest of my life with the three of you out here."  He starts to thump his thumb on the table, a thing that he did when he was frustrated in public.

 

"Jon, it's been a month and you have been gone for half of that, you make it sound like we never skipped a beat, like we were never apart."

 

"What's the point?"

 

"The point?" she asks.

 

He's getting fidgety, "What's the point in acting like we were apart?"

 

"Because we were.  We were apart for a long time Jon and just because we have children together, that doesn't mean we should BE together."

 

"And what does that mean?"

 

"Relax, will ya?  All I'm saying is that I'm not ready to make any decisions or hop across the country.  I don't want to go back east while you're off on tour."

 

"Why?"

 

"And what, live in the house in New Jersey?"

 

"You could."

 

She shakes her head no to that one.  "If, and that's a big IF, I ever go back to Jersey it's to a whole new house.  I won't go back to the one on the river."

 

He sits there and looks at her, he can see that she's serious.  She isn't ready to cave, she isn't ready to drop everything and move across country - she's not ready to give up her life, for another maybe.  "I'm sorry, I know I'm being selfish, but as much as I love you and the twins - I love the kids just as much and need to spend time with them."

 

"As you should.  I would never make you choose."

 

Jon stands up and takes a seat next to Beth, placing his hand on her leg and his head on her shoulder.  "I know you would never do that, but I can't help but feeling guilty for being here and not with Steph and the boys."

 

"It was one night, you were only here for one night.  On your next break, go home and spend some time with them." she turns and kisses his head, "We will be okay without you, you know that."

 

"Don't you get it?" he lifts his head and looks her in the eye, "Can't you see that I don't want my children scattered all over the country?"

 

"Aren't you being a little dramatic?"  Her attention is diverted to the stir of the babies.  She gets up and looks in on them.  Brianna is awake and making sucking sounds, looking for her finger to suck.  Beth reaches in and picks her up, grabbing the breast feeding drape.  She sits back down next to Jon and nurses Brianna, while they finish their conversation

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Standing in the garage, waiting for Chris to pick him up Beth throws her arms around Jon's neck and kisses him on the cheek, whispering she says, "I'll see you when you get back"

 

"I wish you would go with me, one night isn't enough babe." he replies, drawing her close, "One night is never enough."

 

She melts into his hold and says, "I'm not going, specially to Chicago."

 

"I'm only there for two days."

 

"And then where?"

 

"Midwest, corn and cow country." he laughs, resting his chin on the top of her head. 

 

"Maybe I'll meet you when you go to Florida or the east coast.  I'm not feeling the Midwest."

 

They hear the helicopter get closer and they both frown at one another.  The moment that they are dreading is fastly approaching, they can hear it cut through the air.  The sound very much like a heartbeat.

 

Beth rests her head on Jon's chest, "I guess this is it."  She squeezes him tighter, not wanting to let him go.

 

"I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks."  He cups her face in his hands, gently drawing her face to meet his, with a crooked smile he says, "I am going to miss you, are you sure you won't meet me somewhere?"

With her head in his hand, she gently shakes her head no. 

"The kids want to come see me at some point, Dot and I just haven't decided when and where yet."

"That's good, you need that and so do they.  We will be fine here until you get back."

"I know, I know." he pulls her to his chest and holds her tight.  Both are sucking up and hating that they only have a few moments together, the helicopter is touching down.  "I'll call you when I get to the hotel."  She just nods her head.  In their final embrace before Jon leaves her for an unknown amount of time, they are interrupted by the ring of Jon's cell phone.  He steps back and takes his phone out of his pocket.  Seeing who it is, he swipes to answer, "Yeah."  Beth peeks in on the twins, giving Jon room.  They are still sound asleep, until they hear, "What the fuck do you mean you're taking some personal  time?  We have a show tomorrow." 

Beth turns on her heels just in time to watch Jon whip his phone into the couch.  She doesn't say anything, she's scared.  Jon has a look on his face that she has only seen on other time.  She can tell what she just heard, wasn't good.  Just by the way that it was said.  The veins in his forehead are visibly pumping, she can see the rage in his eyes and in his stature.  "Richie?"

Beth remembers hearing about Richie doing a stint in rehab, when her and Jon were apart, but it was never a topic that they discussed.  They could have, it was just never mentioned.

"Yes." his hand goes through his hair, "God fucking damn it.  I'm gonna kill him."  his pacing starts and his anger boils.  "How can he do this again?"

"Is he okay?" Beth asks him, rubbing Spencer's back, calming him back to sleep.

Jon stops at her, grabbing her with one arm and squeezing her, "I gotta go.  I'll call you when I land."

"Are you okay?" she asks, knowing that he is pissed as hell.  She reaches in and picks up Brianna now that her brother is back to sleep.

He kisses the babies and then kisses her, "Until next time." he says as he grabs his bags and starts to leave.

"Jon." she calls out. 

He stops in the doorway and turns back toward her, watching her he says, "Yeah?"

"Will you marry me?"