Jon Iphone Message

I put pen to paper and write a number one song.  The words that I share are easily relatable to millions of people all over the world.  Why is it so hard for me to say the words I want to say to you?

What's on your mind?  You can tell me anything, you know that.

I wish it was that easy.  I miss you.

I miss you too.  How are the kids?  I got an email from Stephanie and she said she's doing good in school, how are the boys?

The boys are great.  Getting ready for camp, how are the twins?  I bet they have grown in the last three weeks.

Camp?  What camp are they going to?  The twins are great.  Spencer is a little bit bigger than Brianna, maybe that's because he's two minutes older. lol  How's the tour?  How are the guys doing?

Everyone is good.  We finish this leg in a week, I would like to see the twins then.  Is that possible?

Of course, when and where?  Do you want to come out here? 

I was hoping to, the boys will be gone.  I thought it would be nice to spend what time I can with them.

Did you want to stay here at the vineyard?

It would be nice, I would love to see you too.

That depends on when you get here, I have been doing a little freelance.  Gloria has been watching the twins for a few hours a week.

Seriously?  You're working again?  She could almost read his anger. 

I needed something else, outside of here.  Regardless.  I've been going crazy being confined here.  Paul said I could consult at Deloitte, so I do.

I'll fly out in a week then.  How long am I'm welcome?

As long as you can stay.  I can save the suite for you, but it will cost you.

Cost me what?

I really need some loving.

He doesn't respond for a while.  Beth was starting to think that she crossed the arbitrary line that she placed in the sand, but she was being honest.  She missed being with him, and she longed to feel him again.  It's all she's thought about.  She can't even remember the last time that they made love, had sex, fucked like teenagers - but she wanted all of the above.  She can picture it now, walking into his suite in the middle of the night and waking him like she used too.  The way that he loved to be woken up.

I can give you that, and then some.

I only want the loving, Jon.

Another long pause and she knows that she's either pissed him off or in some way insulted him.  She's never blatantly used him, or told him so anyway and he has never in anyway looked at her as an object.  Every touch has been with love and pure respect and he isn't sure how to take what she just sent to him.  With careful thought and images of her in his mind, he simply types back,

Is that what we have come to?

Is that your way of telling me no?  

She wasn't surprised when she seen her screen light up with an incoming call.  Looking at the screen, she smiles and swipes to answer. "Hello."

"Are you being serious?" he asks her, without saying hello or even hi. 

She laughs, "Yeah, actually I am."

"You want me to visit for sex?" he kind of snaps at her, a little put off by the thought that she could be so disconnected.

"I want you to visit for the babies, but then I want to use you for myself.  Is that bad?"

They haven't talked in the three weeks since he left her and the twins to go back on the road.  He left her sleeping in the middle of the night, after making arrangements for a private jet, after she had gone to sleep.  The note he left her was always the same.  I love you - j.  Communication was in the form of text or email, satisfying Beth's need to have the 'separate lives'.  "I would love nothing more, but you know I can't do that."

She didn't know what to say.  She didn't think that he would refuse her, or turn her down.  She envisioned it all to go quite different, "We can't spend a night together?"

"No."

"Are YOU being serious right now?" she mumbles a little bit, feeling some embarrassment.

She can hear that he is now walking.  She pictures him pacing the yard of the New Jersey house, like he has done numerous times in the past.  Phone in his right hand and the unconscious way he tucks his hand left hand I his pocket.  She can see the limited animation, with the looks on his face.  "You tell me three weeks ago that we're done.  We don't talk and then you tell me that you want me to come to California for sex, that pisses me off Beth."

"I can come to you." she jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

"You aren't even funny."

"Jon, I miss you.  I'm not going to pretend that I don't.  I miss the way that you feel and the way that I feel when I'm with you.  That's allowed.  I don't miss all of the bullshit that goes with it."

"I can't do it." he tells her, as a matter of fact.  "I can't.  I've thought about it many times and you know that's not me."

 

Beth feels a little frustration and knows that she might not win this one, so she decides it's better to put her selfishness away, "I'm sorry.  I know that you aren't like that, I just figured that we could spend some WE time together, but I'll stop.  When are you coming out?"

 

He hesitates and knows that he needs to think before he talks, "You said you'd come to me for sex, why don't you bring the twins and come to Jersey.  My parents would love to see them." 

 

"I'm not ready to see your parents."

 

"Why?"

 

"I imagine that they aren't very happy with me."

 

"It's my mom and dad, Beth.  You should come visit."

 

"What do you mean, it's your mom and dad?"

 

"You can do no wrong in their eyes, never have and you never will."  Beth can hear a little bit of his condescending attitude and doesn't like it.  Her first reaction is never her best, but she doesn't let it stop her.

 

"No, that's Dorothea."  The silence tells her that she has pissed him off and feeling the left over sting of his rejection, she can't stop there.  "I was always the one hurting you, and your mom hated that."

 

Jon isn't going to do this with her, he called to tell her that he loves her too much to sleep with her and pretend that nothing has happened.  He can't be with her and let her go again, he deserved better and she knows that.  "Look, I'm not going to do this now.  I called you because I didn't like where our texts were going.  I wanted you to know that you mean too much to me to just fuck you and get on with life."

 

"Jon....."

 

"No listen to me." he snaps at her, "You don't get it do you?  You are the woman of my life and it's a struggle to be out here on the road away from all of my kids and then you pull this shit on me.  YOU told ME it was over weeks ago and I let you go.  And that kills me."  Beth can hear people in the background talking, but she can' t make out what they are saying, "Hang on." he says.

 

"Where are you?" she questions, feeling even like a bigger ass if he was in the middle of something and started this conversation with her.  She can't believe he would talk to her the way that he was in front of anyone.

 

"Matt and I are shopping in Madrid."

 

"YOU'RE WITH MATT?" she fires at him.

 

"Yes, I'm with Matt.  We're walking down the street."  That shocks Beth, knowing the following that he has in Spain.

 

"Just you and Matt?"

 

"Yeah, we're walking up behind a group of people waiting to get a look at Richie.  He's in the café having breakfast and  they are watching him eat." Jon laughs, even though he's boiling on the inside.  Faintly she hears Jon say, "Let's go this way, if we're fast they won't notice me."  Jon and Matt were finished with the shopping that Jon wanted to do.  Jon texting Beth wasn't working as he walked down the stone streets, so he needed to call her.  He couldn't have the conversation that he wanted to have with her through texts or even on the phone.  He hated that impersonal contact that they have resorted to.   He knows that she loves him and she knows that he loves her,  "this is bullshit Beth.  I hate doing this."

 

"So do I." she replies quickly, "I hate that you have to hang on so tight."

 

"What do you expect me to do?  Just pretend like nothing has happened?"

 

She exhales loudly, "Jesus Jon, let me know when you're in Jersey and I'll bring the twins to you.  Does that make you happy?" she can't take it anymore.  The phone call was more than enough to remind her of how wrong their relationship was for her. 

 

"Do you want to know what would make me happy?" he barks at her, "I would be happy if I was on a yacht in the middle of the ocean with you and my kids.  No phones, no internet and no outside influence."

 

Beth laughs at that, remembering the last time that they were on a yacht together, so long ago.  "And what good would that do us?"

 

"Could it hurt us?" he answers as fast as he can.  "Could any more harm be done?"

 

"Call me when you're back home, okay?" she mumbles, resting the phone on her shoulder.  "I have to get going.  I need to pump and I can't do it on the phone."

 

He doesn't even say goodbye.  He takes the phone away from his ear and taps the red end button.  He was done with that conversation and almost regretted calling her.  "Is everything alright?"  Matt asks, noticing Jon's pace pick up as they walked, "Did you just hang up on her?"

 

"She pisses me off !"  Jon snaps at Matt, "She is the only woman that can piss me off like that too.  Dorothea was no match for her."

 

"What's her problem?"

 

"What isn't her problem?  I think she's crazy half of the time."